358. Swann's Way - Swann in Love 2

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“I dreamed music”

That’s a favorite line from Blade Runner, but I really did just dream music. I’m up in the middle of the night so I don’t lose it (2:40am). It was live and I was there but it wasn’t a normal venue. There were scattered musicians, a few strings and an instrument I couldn’t identify, above me where I could hear but not see them. And they were playing Procol Harum's “A Whiter Shade of Pale.” But not all at once. In bits and pieces. I was trying to get them to quicken the tempo as it was obvious to me that that would sound even better, but they weren’t paying attention. I was also, in my dream, trying to fall asleep, but after the violin did such a beautiful job with it’s part and then the other instrument took over I just thought, “screw falling asleep, this is too good to miss,” and then I woke up.

A couple months ago I ran into a fairly recent, live performance of the song [the Hammond organ really makes this work] by some of the band members and a symphony orchestra. It was surprisingly good, but really just a richer version of the original, and with the same lead vocal. YouTube being what it is, I then searched around and found something similar for “Nights in White Satin.” But in my dream “A Whiter Shade of Pale” was purely instrumental and not at all like the original.

Swann in Love - continued

The plot thickens, or, this is a French novel, after all,

P166 “But Swann said to himself that, if he could make Odette feel (by consenting to meet her only after diner) that there were other pleasures which he preferred to that of her company, then the desire that she felt for his would be all the longer in reaching the point of satiety. Besides, as he infinitely preferred to Odette’s style of beauty that of a little working girl, as fresh and plump as a rose, with which he happened to be simultaneously in love, he preferred to spend the first part of the evening with her, knowing that he was sure to see Odette later on. For the same reason, he would never allow Odette to call for him at his house, to take him on to the Verdurins’. The little girl used to wait, not far from his door, at a street corner; Remi, his coachman, knew where to stop; she would jump in beside him, and hold him in her arms until the carriage drew up at the Verdurins’... [Mme. Verdurin] sent him to the place kept for him, by the side of Odette, the pianist would play for them -- for their two selves, and for no one else -- that little phrase by Venteuil which was, so to speak, the national anthem of their love... It passed, with simple and immortal movements, scattering on every side the bounties of its grace, smiling ineffably still; but Swann thought that he could now discern in it some disenchantment. It seemed to be aware of how vain, how hollow was the happiness to which it shewed the way. In its airy grace there was, in deed, something definitely achieved, and completed in itself, like the mood of philosophic detachment which follows an outburst of vain regret. But little did that matter to him; he looked upon the sonata less in its own light -- as what it might express, had, in fact, expressed to a certain musician, ignorant that any Swann or Odette, anywhere in the world, existed, when he composed it, and would express to all those who should hear it played in centuries to come -- than as a pledge, a token of his love, which made even the Verdurins and their little pianist think of Odette and, at the same time, of himself -- which bound her to him by a lasting tie... He went further; agonized by the reflection, at the moment when it passed by him... that, while it was addressed to their ears, it knew them not, he would regret, almost, that it had a meaning of its own, an intrinsic and unalterable beauty, foreign to themselves...”

Marcel wants to play this his way, but, to be fair to Swann, his time spent with his “little girl” on the side also reduced the time he must pass in the company of the Verdurins’ “little clan.” I would think that in itself would be a powerful incentive.

This affair starts out, if I read the characters correctly, as a business proposition on Odette’s part that meets with only limited success at the beginning. Swann is interested in a way, but not entirely sold on the goods.

P173 “But one evening, when, irritated by the thought of that inevitable dark drive together [home with Odette], he had taken his other ‘little girl’ all the way to the Bois, so as to delay as long as possible the moment of his appearance at the Verdurins’, he was so late in reaching them that Odette, supposing that he didn’t intend to come, had already left. Seeing the room bare of her, Swann felt his heart wrung by sudden anguish; he shook with the sense that he was being deprived of a pleasure whose intensity he began then for the first time to estimate, having always, hitherto, had that certainty of finding it whenever he would...”


It’s now day 51 of the pandemic lock-down, by my count, and SF is still stuck on 29 official deaths. Official deaths for the nation are nearing 70,000 but the best guess is that the real total is double that based on excess deaths over last year. This may include people who didn’t have COVID-19 but either couldn’t receive or didn’t even seek proper treatment because of the pandemic, so the virus is at least a contributing cause of their deaths.

I’m now starting to run out of things I thought I was well supplied with, like the infamous TP but also quarters for the laundry. Since I’m now only going to the bathroom at home, I’m using more TP than normal. And my problem is that I don’t have room for the huge packages of TP that seem to be so popular. I only recently bumped up to buying six rolls instead of four. I have nowhere to store twelve rolls. So this week I’m going to have to go to the bank and find a store that sells TP in smaller bundles.

On the other hand, our weather is getting nicer. This week is supposed to be the warmest yet with no more rain even hinted at. We do need the rain, but it’s now so late in the season that we’re not likely to get more than a token amount. May moisture usually comes in the form of heavy mists that thwart even umbrellas. We can’t expect to see actual rain again until the fall. Normally, one would know what to expect from the coming summer and fall, and weather-wise, we still more or less do, but everything else is now in flux. I have no reason to think California will be back to anything like normal when the next rainy season starts. We are truly living in interesting times. I do expect the true COVID death toll to be over 200,000 by that time. And it could be even worse than that.

Since I’ve already begun by talking about TP use, I may as well go on to talk about what else has changed. Over the decades I’ve discovered a lazy-bachelor approach to housekeeping that works for me. I would rinse my dishes as I use them -- to deter insects -- but not actually wash them until I ran out of something important like sharp knives or plates that fit in the microwave. Now I do the dishes daily, or near enough. On the other hand I’m doing my laundry less often as, previously, it was my gym clothes that I would tend to run out of after about seven days. I haven’t touched my gym gear in over 51 days, and I even bought some new underwear online as I was running out of those first, so now I can go over a week before I need to do the laundry.

Because I’m doing more exercises and stretches at home now, and more often as well, I’m also doing a better job of keeping my floors swept. And I’ve gotten much better about not wearing shoes in the house. I should be cleaning the bathroom even more frequently, but I am cleaning it at least once a week, which is more than before. At other times I would be envying Marcel, Hans, and Henry’s access to domestic staff, but now you would have to also think of them as disease vectors.

I’ve been thinking about French toast for about a week now and plan to make some soon. (What is “French toast” called in France? One wonders.) I’ve been eating many more sandwiches and frozen dishes than normal. My justification for this is that it allows me to save my usual soups and things for my emergency reserve -- for if I catch the virus and need to keep myself going with as little trouble as possible. So my usual staples are the things I haven’t touched. Which is odd.


P182 Swann and Odette are finally lovers, “...For Swann was finding in things once more, since he had fallen in love, the charm that he had found when, in his adolescence, he had fancied himself an artist; with this difference, that what charm lay in them now was conferred by Odette alone. He could feel reawakening in himself the inspirations of his boyhood, which had been dissipated among the frivolities of his later life, but they all bore, now, the reflection, the stamp of a particular being; and during the long hours which he now found a subtle pleasure in spending at home, alone with his convalescent spirit, he became gradually himself again, but himself in thraldom to another.”